farters have to be the big spoon...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
