I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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