I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
