Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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