you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
