I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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