Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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