are you still at the devil's house?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
