Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
