Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
