Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
