you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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