He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
