You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
