And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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