I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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