did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I touched a dick in church today
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
