i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
