the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
