She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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