Having a random hookup so left but love u
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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