I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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