Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
