y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
