I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize