I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
