Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize