He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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