do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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