you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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