Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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