You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
