i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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