rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
