doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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