LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
