What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
