Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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