ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
