1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
