38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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