do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
