my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
