I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
