I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
