you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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