I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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