Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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