i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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