my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
