Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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