the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
