Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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