I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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