I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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