everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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