You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize