i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
