I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
