The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
