i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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