maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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