If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
