Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry about my life...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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