TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
