were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
