Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
