We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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