we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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